Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Rambles in May

The cows are so relaxed, sun bathing on the field next to our garden. They are young ladies, quite temperamental. At times the run up and down the hill like crazy girls.

Emmy Bo and I are putting up laundry on a sunny day. It has been grey and rainy for a long time. I feel my energy levels switch in an instant when the sun comes out. I want to get things done, tackle projects.

A big project that was started last week was a re-arrangement of Luca Bo’s room. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long long time. His room is a stress trigger for me... He is a typical teenage boy. Dirty laundry mixed with garbage, school books, magazines, half eaten fruit, empty soda bottles, cups and bowls that has been brought up but never found their way back into the kitchen… And then there is of course all the creative stuff like tools, glue guns, fabric strips and foam, string, tape, wood pieces and cardboard… Right now he is heavily into puppet making. I’ll show you his creations one day. For being a beginner (I would say he’s been into this for a good 3 weeks…) I’m amazed by what he has managed to create. Can you hear I’m a proud Mama?

Anyway, Luca Bo went on a school sport camp for the whole week and I took my chance to dive into his boy cave. I just held my breath and got started. It was now or never.

Emmy Bo turned 11, quietly. She doesn't want to turn eleven. It is hard. There has been tears. Comfort hugs. Reassurance that growing up isn't a bad thing. It's hard. For her. And for me. But when her two BFF's came over and gave a full box of slime ingredients including Borax, happiness was in full swing. Birthdays are not that bad after all. Not with sleep over party including sweets, ice cream cocktails and movies until midnight.

The garden is in full swing and I'm discovering new blossoms every day. It is beautiful. I can't help but being fascinated over half dead plants that are now coming alive. I'm soaking it all in to the full while taking regular moments on my bench with coffee and crochet. Sounds like a lovely life, doesn't it? It is. It is a great life. Its' not perfect, but it is great. And who wants perfect anyway? Perfect is so boring. Naaah, I'm all for simplicity and the beauty in imperfections. There is beauty in everything.


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Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Bittersweet spring

It's aching. Spring is here. Flower buds are breaking through. Its beautiful. And painful. In so many ways. A great artist is lost. It hurts. Nature is beautiful. It hurts. Life is on high speed. It hurts. I want to slow it all down. I wonder if everything was slowed down even before, maybe the artist would have lived. I play his tunes, over and over again. I read about him. Desperate to find answers to why such a talent had to leave so soon. It doesn't feel fair. Life isn't fair. And still... I guess I'm grieving like so many others. The 24-year old Annette in me who would have been there on his shows, dancing herself crazy and filling herself up with music euphoria... Maybe that is why this tragedy is touching me so deeply.

I walk my garden, talk to the cats, pick some spring flowers. Celebrate life. That I am here. In this very enchanting moment when everything is breaking free, coming alive. It is so so overwhelming, I want to save it all, catch it in my hands like you catch a butterfly, and keep it for later.... But spring can't be captured. It runs too fast.

Cats are everywhere, outside. I stumble over them. They meow, they chase birds. Oh the bird song. The bees. The mountains. The blue bird sky. My big girl studying in the garden. My little girl running bare feet up the hill. My boy on the basket ball court. My love doing the finishing touches on his motorcycle renovation project. It is so stunning, ready to make someone else happy. For sale. It is all here. Love. Everywhere I look I see it and feel it. And still I feel pain. Pain because of the beauty in it all. Because of the loss of someone who's life had just started... And I'm thinking, he had a great journey, it is not all just sad. It is just as beautiful as spring itself. The thought is kind of comforting...

I sit on my bench, listen to his melodies, crochet a row or two and sip my coffee. Life can be so bitter sweet. Actually, it always is. Maybe it is supposed to be that way. To create the perfect harmony. Just like the perfect harmony in a song.


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